CDO (THAT'S OCD FOR SOMEBODY THAT'S OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE)

I've heard it all now. McMurdo yesterday came out with a statement that sounded like Jabba during his final days at the Daily Record, or even Auld Pishy when he had a couple of dozen too many. According to our old friend Merlin, the amalgamation of the SPL and the SFL into the SPFL was all a plot against Rangers (sic)! Apparently Bisto FC was ready to take the lead among its 'new friends' and form a completely separate league. Like that was ever going to happen!

So what's got McMurdo's knickers in a twist? It's the story that the SPFL are looking for more representation on the SFA. Of course, the Daily Record has started all the scare stories about takeovers and how grass-roots football will suffer. Gordon Waddell was most outspoken on this point. Isn't it funny how they're all concerned about grass-roots football all of a sudden? When David Murray was flooding our game with expensive imports we were constantly being told how great this was for Scottish football. That turned out well, didn't it?

Our media also seem to have discovered that there is life outside the top tier. After years of telling us how the top teams, especially the seemingly-rich Rangers under Murray, should be running our game they've now changed their minds. What is important now, apparently, is the bread-and-butter, salt-of-the-earth minor teams that play in front of crowds of a couple of dozen a week. Something has obviously changed to make the lower leagues much more attractive; I wonder what it could be?

McMurdo, of course, sees this latest development as another in a long line of measures to isolate Bisto FC when it gets 'back' to the top. This is doubly delusional. The first delusion is that there's a huge, Lawwell-led conspiracy against Bisto FC. The second is that Bisto FC is actually going to be in the top tier any time soon. It's time that The Peeppil joined the rest of us here in the real world.

There was an interesting article by Glen Gibbons in the Scotsman at the weekend, outlining the major obstacle standing in Bisto's way. Of course, The Peeppil have him down as a 'Raynjurz-Hatur' so will largely ignore what he has to say. The gist of his argument will be familiar to all of us, as many of us Bampots have been pointing this out for ages. It's the fact that The Peeppil just cannot accept reality. Instead of letting their new club build up gradually they insist that it's the same old club and are demanding the same success it had before. They can't see how unrealistic this is.

Gibbons doesn't mention it but the problem runs deeper than this; it's all to do with their singular obsession. This has fired everything that's happened to them and is happening. It really stuck in their craw that Celtic had won the European Cup. Their misguided sense of superiority couldn't handle this fact. They wished, nay demanded, that their own club emulated this feat. They have done their best to diminish Celtic's achievement, claiming that it was easier then, that there weren't as many teams in it etc etc. No matter what they said, however, they knew the truth and it hurt. David Murray was driven by this hurt and anger and destroyed the club in trying to equal, or hopefully outdo, what Celtic had done.

This obsession is going to destroy their new team as well. They might talk of 'tainted titles' but they know, in their heart of hearts, that nobody outside of their own clique actually believes this. There will be no asterisks next to Celtic's titles and they will qualify for Europe, albeit via prelimary rounds, every time they win a title. This is the nightmarish obsession of The Peeppil. Sooperally has already given voice to these fears. As such, they cannot concentrate on building a new club for obsessing over Celtic.

The only possible way they can stop Celtic is by either pumping massive funds into their own team or destroying Celtic. There are already desperate attempts to do the latter, by recourse to fantasies about 'state aid' etc. The former is what is driving some of the Bisto Kids into the arms of Honest Dave King. Either way, they're going to get nowhere. Even their current level of spending is unsustainable and is going to have to be cut back if the club is to survive. So they've got a stark choice: concentrate on their new club and accept that it is going to take a long time to get it anywhere near the level of their old team. Or they can continue to obsess about Celtic and kill off their new club in the process. We'll soon see what's more important to them: loving their club or hating Celtic.

And it's a big happy birthday to the City of Rome. Legend has it that Romulus founded his city on this day in 753BC. It also happens to be the birthday of everyone's favourite author. I'm not quite as old as Rome, but I'm not a kick in the arse off it! Oh, and I think it's also the birthday of some royal or other!

Meanwhile, I'm currently working on a new book, based on this blog, telling the story of how our media have struggled to keep up the illusion of 'the same club.' Watch this space.

"Wull yez hurry up an' get they season books boat. Wae've goat bills tae pye, ye know!"