A WASTE OF TIME

120 days for that? What the hell was the point? They've spent too much money and they need more. I could have told them that in one day for a fraction of the cost. Apart from that, the report really doesn't have that much to say.

Apparently all the money was frittered away by 'previous boards'. That would suggest that the current board is the epitome of financial probity and frugality; and yet, they're all ready to award themselves bonuses! And has there been any word yet about Sooperally's pay cut? So much for a new plan.

There is also the small matter of the team. Apparently, insane, costly contracts were given to the players and they can't get out of these. The only possible answer would be voluntary administration but no mention of this is made in the report. All Mr Blobby can do is hope. Some of the contracts are up this summer, so, presumably, they won't be renewed.

Have they finally learnt their lesson? Are they going to put a halt to the profligacy and live within their means? Don't you believe it! The report still follows the old line about world domination and winning everything going. In three years' time they are going to win the Premiership. That's it. No ifs, buts or maybes. So how are they going to do it? Well, Sooperally is going to be given money to strengthen his squad. And so it all starts over again.

So where is the money going to come from to give to Sooperally to piss away, I mean strengthen his squad? Mr Blobby's got it all worked out. They're going to need £30m over the next three years. And it's all going to come from investment and sponsorship deals and the like. In fact, all the same shite that Green was saying 18 months ago. Get on the phone to Adidas and the Dallas Cowboys!

The truth is that Mr Blobby's report is just one big joke. Can you imagine going to a bank for a business start-up loan on the basis of a plan like that? 'We're going to get £30m worth of investment over the next three years. We'll get it form different sources. What sources? Well...I don't know. But we'll get it. Definitely. As Mr McCoist would say, Abslootly!' The bank manager would throw you out on your arse.

Apart from the so-called plan for taking over the Universe, the report is just the usual Ibrox fare: blame everybody else. The idea of blaming the previous board for wasting all the money is disingenuous to say the least. I'm not totally sure how these things work but I would imagine that if you're using the proxy of major investors then they call the tune. Blue Pitch and Margarita Holdings have been there from the start, and the Easdales are still using their proxy, so surely a lot of the blame rests with them? Anyway, as long as the gullibles buy the season books, who cares?

The other deflection of culpability comes with the news that the company that processes debit and credit card payments has pulled out, meaning that The Peeppul will have to actually go in person and pay for their season tickets in a oner. I don't know if Zebra finance, the company that lets you pay in monthly instalments is affected, but it certainly looks like it. So if any supporters want a season ticket then they might have to take out a bank loan!

The debit and credit card company obviously see, as anyone can, that Bisto FC is in seriously deep shit. They asked for Ibrox to be signed over as security (that sounds familiar) and, of course, the board refused. Well, considering that nobody seems to know who owns it they could hardly do otherwise! Mr Blobby and the board decided that the best move would be to blame Honest Dave and his mad scheme for this. Now we know why Paul Tyrrell was brought on board; that idea was obviously his.

So Bisto FC is going to have enough money to conquer all but if the Bisto Kids don't buy their season tickets now, then the games a-bogey. That makes sense! And yet the normal ways of buying season tickets aren't available. Bisto has extended the deadline to May 16th so if you're phoning Wonga expect the lines to be busy from now until then. For the sake of Bisto FC they'd better all hope that Wonga will extend a loan on the strength of a Giro!

"Well, that's it, we're fucked! But don't worry, we'll still be in Europe in three years' time!"