SOOPER DISNAE KNOW

If Sooperally learned one thing from his mentor, Auld Mr Dignity, apart from lumping balls up the field, it's how to fudge the issue. Auld Dignity was a master at it; "I didn't see the incident," "I couldn't tell you what happened, I was looking elsewhere" etc. Sooperally, however, took it to extremes in his Q & A session in the Daily Record.

'Where did the money go?'
'Ah don't know.'
'What about the redundancies?'
'Ah don't know.'
'Will you be signing new players?'
'Ah don't know.'
'Have you spoken to Graham Wallace?'
'Ah don't know.'
'What's your name, Ally?'
'Ah don't know.'

Why they even bothered to print it is a mystery. Sooper was equally 'intrigued' about the hooliganism on Monday evening. "Ah jist heard a few bangs," he said. I wonder if those bangs were fireworks going off or the sound of seats being broken. At any rate, he was hardly going to come out and condemn the Union Bears when he'd been standing saluting them on Saturday, was he? Probably he was in among them, scarf round his face, giein' it laldy with the bigotry. Any seats broken by him, however, would be purely accidental; they don't build them strong enough to hold an arse like that!

Speaking of Monday night, the papers are still doing their best to spin the old 'bad as each other' bit, even though the Sun had to apologise for the five-year-old picture of the ski-mask-wearing Celtic fan. And somebody managed to wake Vincent Lunny up to look into the whole thing. Apparently he's going to write to Celtic, Bisto FC and the Glasgow Football Association to demand explanations. Bisto FC will probably get Sooperally to send back the reply, "Ah don't know." Given Lunny's track record, and that of the SFA, all they'll want to know is - was Neil Lennon there? If so then obviously he's the one to blame. A hefty fine and a ten-match ban; that'll sort everything out.

MSP Graham Pearson, a former 'top cop' is demanding to know why the cops didn't get stuck in and drag out the troublemakers. A more pertinent demand might be why the police escorted the neds into the ground in the first place. Surely even the thickest of rozzers could see that a crowd, all dressed the same and with faces covered, which had organised on social media to meet at Bridgeton Cross, was intent on causing trouble? The police escorted this bunch along London Road while the neds sang their usual songs about being up to their knees in blood. They were then allowed into Celtic Park without so much as a cursory search. If anything, I'd say the police were complicit in the trouble!

Speaking of troublemakers, I see a certain Billy Paterson, a Bisto shareholder has demanded to have a look at the books under the Companies Act. He was at first told where to go but, when he threatened to involve the police, Bisto caved in and gave him permission. I don't know what the hell he's going to do with the information; there are strict confidentiality laws in place that will prevent him from discussing his findings with anyone. Maybe they're all going to go in, one at a time, to peruse the books and then meet up and just nod and say, "Knew it!"

Meanwhile, I see that Robert Snodgrass might be leaving Norwich if they get relegated and decide to cash in on him. Celtic would be interested but Snodgrass says that he won't let his heart rule his head. He loves Celtic but wants to play at the 'highest level'. You can understand his reasoning and good luck to the guy. It does beg the question, though, if Snodgrass is snubbing Celtic, the Scottish champions, so he can play at the 'highest level' what does that say about those players that have signed for Bisto FC? Lack of ambition and money-grabbing are two phrases that come immediately to mind! What do you think, Ally?
"Ah don't know!"

IT'S KARAOKE TIME AGAIN

WITH JOHNNY ROTTEN McCOIST!

 

Right! now
ha ha ha ha ha...

Ah um an antichrist
Ah um an anarchist
Don't know what Ah waant
But Ah know how tae get it
I waant tae destroy loads-a seats

Cos Ah waant tae be the UB
Nae dugsbody

Ah'm gonnae be in the UB
It's comin' sometime an' mibbee
Ye'll see mae doon it the Broomloan staun'

Wi' a pish-stained blanket in ma haun'

Cos Ah waant tae be the UB
In the city

A-menny wyes tae get what ye waant
UB is the best
UB is the rest
Fenians ur the enemee
We ur the UB

Cos Ah waant tae be the UB
It's the only wye tae be

Is this Bisto FC
Or is this 5088
Or is this RIFC
Ah thoat it wiz the Raynjurz
Or jist another money drain
Jist another gravy train

Ah waant tae be the UB
An' Ah waant tae be the UB

An' Ah waant tae be the UB
(Know what Ah mean)
An' Ah waant tae be in the UB
An' get pissed, destroy!