GRAVY TRAINS AND ERMINE TRAINS

I was beginning to wonder if it was time to re-christen Bisto FC, thinking that maybe the name was no longer appropriate. Sooperally, however, has come to the rescue, showing that the gravy train is still on track. As we have all come to expect, the Bisto team stayed at a luxury hotel on Saturday night, being pampered with saunas and massages. Apparently they did not bother to even practise on Saturday; after all, the match was a foregone conclusion, wasn't it? After the match Ally's team collected their runners-up medals and then slinked off, just like their supporters. Later, however, the two groups, team and supporters, could not have behaved more differently.

While the Bisto Kids kept their heads down, hid back under their rocks or went online to vent their anger at Sooperally, the man himself, along with his team, was back at Ibrox having a party! It's been played down a bit as simply a meal for the players and their wives but, apparently, the disco lights were on, the drink was flowing and Sooper himself was up giving it laldy at the Karaoke. No wonder they need to keep taking out payday loans!

Of course, the Bisto Kids are absolutely blazing, one of them hoping that it was a leaving do for Sooperally! Another says of Sooper, "He's like the Churchill dog, cute to look at but all he does is shit and piss." Even McMurdo's disciples have had enough, one of them going as far as to accuse Sooper of being an agent for the likes of King and Murray. He doesn't quite go as far as to say that Sooper is deliberately making an arse of things, but the implication is there.

Meanwhile, the Herald had an article with David Murray, banging on about how he regrets selling Rangers to Craig Whyte. He's still bleating that he knew nothing about Whyte, saying, "Looking back, we continue to profoundly regret selling our majority shareholding in Rangers to Craig Whyte. We remain staggered at the revelations that materialised after the beginning of 2012, bitterly disappointed at the outcome of the administration and saddened at the ongoing uncertainty that appears no closer to resolution." He seems to forget that we all know that he was handed a dossier about Whyte before the deal was done but he was so desperate to get shot of the club that he ignored it.

It seems that, no matter what has happened, he still has a head the size of a beach ball. I don't think being knighted entitles you to use the royal 'we'. He's also peddling the myth that administration is all that happened. The writer of the article contradicts him by pointing out the fact that Rangers went into liquidation and the assets sold to Sevco. Her name will be going on Ze List!

It's amazing how much the 'L' word has been censored in our media and on Bisto blogs. I read one conversation about how no team is scared of Rangers (sic) anymore. One answer to this was, "We are only a shadow of the team that we once were, and no team is scared of us. Of course we are. We're in Division 3 after having narrowly survived a period of administration."

'Narrowly survived'? Is that what they're calling liquidation these days? It's getting way beyond a joke now!

The Better Together campaign is now reaching the desperation stage. They can't understand why we haven't all been persuaded by dire threats from Tory millionaires, the possible inability to watch Strictly Come Dancing and emotional appeals from has-been transvestite rock stars and comedians. The gap between the YES and NO vote is narrowing daily so it's time for Plan B - wheeling out the big guns.

So who are these 'Big Guns' that are going to talk us all into staying in the Union? It's all the old Labour stalwarts that have been kicked upstairs to the House of Lords! That'll do the trick, eh? 'Labour Legends' the Daily Record calls them. So who do we have? Well, we've got George Foulkes, who has been put in charge of this motley crew, John Reid, George Robertson, Helen Liddell and Jack McConnell. That'll put the YES campaigners' gas at a peep!

So how are this lot going to influence things? Let's have a look:

George Foulkes - I can't remember anything about this character except that he got pissed and hit a policeman. A staunch Law-and-Order man, then.

John Reid - He might pull in a few Celtic supporters that are swithering about how to vote. On the other hand, the Bisto Kids see him as the main instigator of the mythical GCC land deals. If anything, he might drive them over to the other side!

George Robertson - All I remember is a face that looked as if it had been buffed up with an industrial sander.

Helen Liddell - A cynical politico that didn't mind playing the Orange card when standing for John Smith's old seat in Lanarkshire. She had all The Peeppil on her side when she blamed the monks of Buckfast Abbey for all the ills of Airdrie. Maybe she'll try the same trick again, though she'll be preaching to the converted.

Jack McConnell - Another Celtic supporter, obviously intended to appeal to the more intelligent part of the Scottish electorate. This is the man, however, who stopped us all from enjoying a fag with our pint!

I wonder how they're going to present this cast of political heavyweights to us. Will they dress in their ermine robes for the occasion? Will we common plebs have to call them 'Your Lordship' or 'Your Ladyship'? Or will they slum it and pretend to be just the same as the rest of us? However they dress it up the whole thing seems extremely patronising. Maybe they should have stuck with the transvestites!

"And nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww the end is neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah and so I faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace the fyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-nell cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur-tennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"