Wednesday, 18 February 2015


It's Comedy Capers with the Bisto FC EGM sending London into red alert. The Londoners withstood the Blitz, terrorist attacks and various riots but the idea of having the whole of Hundom descend upon them is too terrible to even contemplate. If Llambias is to be believed, the first hotel they picked was inundated with death threats from The Peeppul. I'd be inclined to believe Llambias on this one; after all, it's not as if it's the first time The Peeppul and death threats have been mentioned in the same sentence!

Speaking of believing Llambias, the Daily Record seems determined to make him out to be lying about being attacked. Apparently, there's no police record of the incident. That's funny; there were never any police records of death threats and attacks by Celtic supporters on referees but that didn't stop the Record telling us that they really happened, did it? In fact, they still dredge the stories up from time to time. Still, I suppose it's par for the course with the DR.

And it seems that Celtic supporters upset the whole world with their bigotry and sectarianism at Hampden. According to the DR there was a bit of singing heard but their main focus, and obviously the most offensive thing about the whole affair, was a banner held up by some Celtic supporters. The banner was apparently a pun on some verse about WWI. As if that wasn't bad enough, the banner also displayed the word - I can hardly bring myself to say it - hun! There have been official complaints to the Scottish and Westminster Governments and some nations have already withdrawn their ambassadors. One foreign official, who asked not to be named, said, "We can accept songs deriding the Pope, telling the descendants of immigrants to 'go home' and being up to the knees in folk's blood but using this word is a step too far. To say our people were shocked is an understatement." In a separate complaint, Angela Merkel has said that her country doesn't want itself associated with The Peeppul!

Meanwhile the Record continues its campaign to drive out the current board at Ibrox. The Fish-ell Rangers (sic) Fans Board had a meeting with Derek Llambias and finance director Barry Leach (who sounds like somebody from a Cillit Bang advert). The minutes of the meeting show that Leach said that the Three Bears had 'shit themselves' when it looked like the board was going to accept their loan deal. Supposedly, Llambias also denied that Ashley helped finance Charlie Green's buyout of the assets back in 2012. Halloween Houston is spitting fire about the meeting and even manages to keep a straight face when he accuses Llambias of 'rewriting history'. The actual question posed to Llambias was, "Did Mike Ashley fund Charles Green in the Rangers takeover?" Llambias's reply that he didn't is actually the truth; Green didn't take over Rangers - it was liquidated and he bought the assets in a shady deal with Duff and Phelps. What was that about rewriting history?

The Daily Record still can't seem to figure out why they've been banned from Ibrox. They disingenuously bleat that all they're doing is telling the truth; but everybody already knows that the DR wouldn't know the truth if it kicked them up the collective arse. In the same way that they're trying to tarnish Celtic supporters while letting The Peeppul off the hook, they print everything they can find bad to say about the current Ibrox board. Granted, they don't have to look very far to find what they're looking for but they hardly paint a balanced picture. A convenient veil has been cast over the fact that Honest Dave is nothing more than a crook and a swindler and the way they keep building him and his cronies up brings back memories of Craig Whyte. They must know that the 'Real Rangers Men' haven't got a hope in hell at the EGM, but still they persevere in their pathetic campaign.

The latest ruse was one of the DR's staff turning up in the dear seats at Ibrox. Presumably he paid for his seat and his place in the Executive box, or charged it to expenses, and Bisto FC is hardly in a position to be knocking back cash; so it was hardly a big deal that he was allowed in. In a hilarious piece of satire the guy turned up dressed like Charles Endell, to take the piss out of all the supposed spivs and gangsters at the new club. The Daily Record patted itself on the back for one of its staff 'sneaking' into Ibrox and pulling off this spiffing wheeze. The 'reporter' himself was last seen just outside Renfrew, being dragged on a rope behind a McGill's bus.

I see Jim Murphy has decided to go down the desperate route of currying favour by suggesting that drink should be allowed at football matches. Was he even around back in the bad old days? My abiding memory is not of drunken fights but the smell and the jumping about trying to avoid the rivers of pish running down the terraces. It would be even worse these days, stuck in a plastic seat while the tsunami builds up behind you. The DR dusts down and wheels out Archie McPherson again to join in on the side of allowing it. Are they kidding? Don't they think The Peeppul are angry and bitter enough without letting them get tanked up into the bargain? Times have changed, we're told. Yes, they have; unfortunately The Peeppul haven't.

The argument that drinking is allowed at Murrayfield is a bit disingenuous. You don't get any trouble at the ground itself, certainly; it's all saved for in the pub later. Have you ever been in an Edinburgh pub after a rugby international? The behaviour is atrocious but is very rarely reported. There are songs and chants about foreigners, racist insults hurled at black people and games where they throw pint glasses to each other and smash them with their foreheads. Women's tits and arses are grabbed constantly and if you say anything things turn ugly. You'll be the one thrown out, though, for 'spoiling the fun'. Outside at closing time they puke and pish all over the streets, in full view of everyone and often beat up people they don't like the look of. There have also been more than a few instances of gang rape in Edinburgh after rugby matches. Everybody looks the other way, however, and deludes themselves that all those lawyers and accountants wouldn't behave badly and it's all just good-natured fun!

Rather than balance things by allowing drink for the 'working classes' , they should be confronting the truth about rugby supporters and dealing with them the same way they would if it were football fans behaving like that. Then again, if you can only drink alcohol that you buy in the football ground then there's no need to worry. The exorbitant prices will ensure that nobody can afford to even get slightly tipsy. An Ibrox source, however, has already said that they'd be willing to take milk tokens.

Finally, a large group of protestors marched from Larkhall to Hamilton at the weekend to demonstrate outside the cinema. Imagine their embarrassment when they discovered that the film they wanted banned was actually called 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and not 'Forty Shades of Green'!

 The Peeppul get themselves geared up for the EGM
(What's Freddie Mercury doing there?)

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